In My Darkest Hour
-by Julius Esquivias
It comes at different times for different people. It comes in different forms. Its myriad effects causes undue pressure and unnecessarily raises one’s stress levels. It forces upon you a feeling of helplessness while choking off your air, practically daring you to give up. Doubt forms and self-confidence dissolves as frustration envelops your person. You shudder either in disgust or in trepidation. Your stomach gets squeamish and your knees start to buckle. You ask the questions, not knowing if they are the right ones. And you filter answers to hear only those that you want to. Your sense and sensibilities disappear. Suddenly, you’re so far away from your comfort zone. Suddenly, you are all alone.
In came to me earlier today, at a time when I fully expected to be jubilant in my success.
The weakest point of my life came as a complete surprise and left me helplessly torn apart. When it did, I felt that everything that mattered had come to an end. At such a juncture, my mind conjured Failure as my ultimate destination. My rational mind shut down, and my heart ached for a more glorious past.
I began to question myself even as my whole belief system teetered on the edge. I had come to one of my life’s most difficult crossroads and I felt pressured to choose a path that I knew I have to navigate. I was tempted to choose the one with least resistance, knowing fully well that I have to choose another, more productive one. At this juncture, I finally see the failings of what arrogance and stubbornness can bring. At this point in time, I understand the need to take a stand and make a life-defining choice.
Once I take that fateful step, life will probably get better. I'll wake up from my stupor and come to realize that I'm okay. I'll become more conscious of my surroundings, and become more appreciative of what I have. I'll probably realize that empty boxes make pretty good containers. I'll begin to recognize the reality that fallen fruits are seeds for the future. I can envision my heroes’ chastisements and echoes of disappointments as prospective storylines for my later success.
I should take the steps to make this into reality so that one day I can aspire to write about it for posterity.
My quest to determine who I am will begin with finding myself in the shadows of inadequacy. I may choose to sulk and be a sad soul in my darkest hour. But I may also choose to be an inspirational fighter. With some luck and perseverance, I can further myself to achieve great progress. From the blindness, I can rise and become that shining Star.
I don’t have to completely fall.
When my reason for standing gave way from under me, God was really only telling me that it’s about time that I learn to fly.
When my reason for standing gave way from under me, God was really only telling me that it’s about time that I learn to fly. 
