julius' Site

Obviously, there's a very, very good reason for this :)

Very well-written blog too :) I wish I could write something as good. :)

"Kakigori Makes Me Happy"

(and to those who are wondering... No, this isn't a virus, ok?
you know who you are hehehe)

Waiting

by julz e.

Whatever you do, wherever you go, whoever you meet, you will always chance upon someone overly concerned about the when. Someone worrying about the time; time as it continually goes by; even as he wonders if it’s pointless to even try.
 
          But they do. Because try as they might, they cannot escape the fact that waiting is, and always will be a part of everyone's lives. 

        And people wait for various reasons. You see it everyday. Morning commuters look at their watches, praying to heavens that they won’t be late. Eager relatives await the timely arrival of their family coming home from abroad. You also see those grade school students waiting patiently for the traffic light to turn green. Or that one person who is nervously waiting for the bar results to come out. Or that expectant mother, impatiently waiting for her doctor to call back. On one hand, you occasionally find yourself excitedly waiting for your date to arrive. On the other hand, you also try to find the time to cry with your best friend as you watch her pitifully wait for the guy who had already said goodbye. 

         As with everything else, waiting can be appreciated, depending on whose perspective is ultimately taken. At times, it can even be one of the most beautiful experiences that one can undergo. The anticipation of something magnificent can be unnerving, but may ultimately prove to be a beautiful inspiration for creating something soul-revealing.

         And as I wait here in my little coffee-shop, recklessly pounding away on my keyboard, I can’t help but check my cellphone every once in a while for that elusive text to come in.
 

         Hurry up with your interview smartypants, I can’t wait to see you already.

The Game of Wait and See

        You’ve been seeing each other for about *three months now. Up to this point, you still can’t tell if he’s into you, or if he’s serious enough to get involved with. You occasionally have dinners together and even get to catch a movie every once in a while. He regularly texts you to ask how you’re doing but seldom does he show unwavering interest, other than when he needs an opinion or help on something. Oftentimes, even both. Being the typical girl, you don’t really assume that he likes you. You say to yourself that he’s there, simply to be a friend. Someone whom you can bond with and say things you don’t usually share about yourself. This rather interesting guy you’ve been going out with is fast becoming your best friend. That’s what you’ve been telling yourself.

Sometimes, you even want to believe that. 

The truth is, you’re confused. He has been sending out mixed signals. He certainly can make you laugh. Yet you also catch yourself getting frustrated with his pa-cute tactics. You wonder if he’s being straight with you or that maybe you’re just being dense. You’re a little apprehensive about taking risks with him, but he has already overcome that friendship barrier which you put up in the first place. You’re comfortable with your current set-up. And it just seems crazy to ask a stupid question such as ‘where is this going’? It’s not like you’ve fallen for him already.

Right?

Besides, the situation is pretty awkward as it is. Your friends are divided in their views of him. Some implore you to be careful around guys like him. The rest swear that he likes you more than just as friends. Deep inside, you just want to know where you stand with him. You wish for him to just come out and tell you whether he likes you or not. If only so you can move on and entertain other guys.

But in reality, you just know that you cannot ask him to address this directly. To do so would put you in a vulnerable situation. You’re afraid to assume that he has motives other than friendship because it will expose you to the possibility of an outright rejection; an embarrassment which a girl like you simply cannot imagine. You don’t want to get hurt so you choose the safer path and stay away from that risk. The status quo seems ideal. You get to enjoy your time with a good friend; albeit one who gives you more questions than answers.

            Now I could go on to finish this story but you’ve heard all of this before. You’ve either lived it in the past or are currently on this particular road. Either way, you don’t want me to tell you how it will end. Deep inside, you want to discover it for yourself. Just not today, perhaps.

Yes, in a couple of months, you may start to get weary of the charade. You may start to get easily irritated of the mundane things you used to let slip by. You may begin to doubt the sincerity of his words even as he tells you he misses the old you. You may not want to admit it, but you would probably have grown tired of waiting for him by then. After all, hearing the same thing, said in different words, can hardly inspire you.

Then again, what if you’re mistaken?

What if he does turn out to be your knight, with a little less armor? Or what if he turns out to be your Prince decked casually in his simple Giordano? All of sudden, the perspective changes. All the efforts, frustrations and time invested in your friendship suddenly become great foundations for your relationship. And you, the same person who was once a wreck inside, would finally have that special person to call your own. Everyone around you will not  be able to help but notice this, as the radiance of your smile rubs off on them.

I mean, really. At one point or another, we have all gazed out at night and watched thousands of little rocks fall hopelessly from the sky.

Now, it’s just about finding the right time and place to finally catch your own shooting star.

THE END

________________________________________________________________________

 

Few things inspire greater debates than the topic of relationships. To consider broaching this topic is to invite mixed reactions, depending on whose point of view is being asked. Even though there could never be an answer that would trump all excuses, virtually everyone you know will have his or her own opinion as to how to manage one. Much as we’d all like to think, we do not have THE answer that will resolve such abstract issues. We can however, rely on observations of the personal experiences of the varied characters who play a part in the drama we call ‘our lives’. 

Now while women and their complicated quirks will always baffle me, I do know one or two things about how the typical guy thinks. At the risk of exposing a few trade secrets and thereby, attracting the ire of guys still actively in the “game”, I nevertheless embarked on this fictitious essay on how a guy like *him sees a girl like you... you...  and you. ;)

Just So You’d Know

 

It was by instinct that I knew you were perfect.

In your deeds and in your thoughts,

An inspired illusion, limited to my mind.

And I watch in disbelief

As you dance to the tune of unparalleled beauty.

 

I glance back to the time when I first met you.

And I remember not talking.

You probably thought I was a waste of time.

You did, didn’t you?

I hope you realize that it was only because I was lost in you,

And I couldn’t find my way out,

Nor did I care to try.

 

So what am I to do

When I find myself searching for you

Every single time that you’re not here

 

Nothing I suppose

 

Just as I cherish every single glimpse,

Each moment that I’m with you,

I fear for the day when you’d finally decide,

That it’s time to move on, and live your own life

In a place so far

A place so distant from me.

 

As I count the days before you go,

I hope you’d find it okay

That I whisper in my prayers for time to move slower

While I try to find ways to say it to you clearly

That even before you think it’s time to leave,

Just so you’d know,

I miss you already.

 

Today's my birthday. I know. Yet, it seems like I'm writing this blog now NOT in honor of what I have done for myself all this time, but rather, a reflection of the great influence my dad has had on my formative years.

I wrote the poem 11 years ago. July 22, 1996. Yep, a day after a birthday.
haha. I wrote the essay 3 years later as a college freshman in Ateneo.

I read them a while ago and I couldn't help but notice how childish they sounded. To think that I thought I knew EVERYTHING back then. It even came to the point that I thought I was a pretty good writer. haha. Sometimes, it's better that you don't actually see past works so you can pretend that you had pretty a solid stretch of writing good pieces.

hahaha.. oh well :)

Disclaimer: I really wanted to edit both works, but I thought I'd only be cheating myself. So here they are as I originally showed them to my father (the poem) and my English Professor (the essay).

So, I hope you enjoy them nontheless :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

july 22, 1996

THE FATHER YOU ARE

You’re the kind of father everyone would like to have

The kind who gives everything from money to love,

We’re fortunate to have you, believe me we are,

Please Papa don’t change, we love you as you are.
 

You may have your shortcomings,

but who keeps track of those,

Certainly not us, with whom you are close,

You’re just too perfect, especially for me,

But I no doubtfully speak

for those who are your Family.
 

You give your best to support me and my siblings,

But what do you often see, constant arguing and fighting,

I know I have not achieved what you hoped for,

But I swear to God, I’ll try my best and knock on every door.
 

This is not all what I want to say,

 about what you've done, to guide me towards the right way,

No matter how short, this poem may be,

                           I hope you understand that you’ll always be my friend and buddy.
__________________________________________________________________________

September, 1999

               Who is the man of the year? Who is the man of the century? Let's get to it. Who is the man of the Millenium? Well, according to Time Magazine, that man is Albert Einstein. It was he who steered the human mind's evolution to greater heights with his simple yet enigmatic equation: E = MC squared. Well, whatever.

               I have no qualms about giving him the title of the so-called "Man for all times". I mean,  I won't even be affected. I don't know him. He doesn't know me. Our only communication was through the high school textbooks. Simply not enough means to gauge him otherwise. So indeed, let him be "The Man" for every one of you. I only need one in my life. And I've been living with him ever since the day I was born.

               I have always been a skeptic all throughout my life. This may partly be due to the fact that I have an above average intellect, if not superior to that of most of my peers. Only one person  gained my utmost respect. And it was no easy task on his part to keep me in my place all this time.

               Growing up, i have thoought of him as an invincible being, capable of solving every problem that came along. It was because of him that I gained confidence in myself for I knew that I'd have someone to lead me back in case I stray. He was Superman coming to my aide whenever the world seemed too heavy to carry. He encompassed everything I hoped for. He was a reality in a world where facades were the norm and where nothing was what they seemed to be. I was lucky to be the kid God blessed with having him as the father.

               I've grown considerably. Not only in what's evident such as age and height though. I can say that I've matured somewhat too. Well, I no longer blindly believe everything he tells me. I no longer think he's invulnerable to pain as well as being above making mistakes. No, I've gone past that stage. I don't think he's a perfect human being. I've realized that there's no such thing. However, he to me, will forever remain the closest to being one.

               He was born of the typical 50's family; big, hardworking, but nevertheless, not so well-off. Being the second of eleven children, it came as to no surprise that he was groomed to help support his family at such an early age. It helped a lot that he was a natural genius. It came to the point that he was becoming so far advanced from his age group that he had to stop schooling for a while just so he would remain in his batch.  As it turned out, it wasn't really that effective. He graduated highschool among the highest in his class and two years younger than most of those he graduated with.

               He finished College and got a degree in Accounting. A few months later, he passed the board exams and became a Certified Public Accountant. He didn't stop there. He took up law school to supplement what he had already attained as a CPA. Unfortunately, his family fell on hard times and as much as they tried to ignore it at first, he soon realized that something had to be done.

               So he worked even while he was studying.

               I cannot over-emphasize the greatness of his sacrifice of time and energy just to help support his siblings. His grades dipped at the start but he compensated for it by studying and working doubly hard. After four years, he once again graduated near the top of his class.

               He was then a CPA lawyer. And he was determined to test how far he could go, carrying an overabundance of talent, a great mass of patience and a heart full of confidence.

               Soon, he found himsself a home in the Bureau of Internal Revenue.

               Working in the BIR proved to be one of his best professional decisions as he soon rose through the ranks at an unprecedented rate. From examiner, head supervisor to regional district officer, he climbed the arduous trek while shrugging off sticks and stones thrown at him by lesser people. The name-calling and the backbiting never ceased to follow him as he moved up in positions held.

               It was a difficult undertaking, having to go through bureaucratic red tapes and political  pressuring at every turn. Nevertheless, he aggressively pursued his dream of reaching the upper echelon of the ranks in the BIR.

                I assumed that destiny had a hand in his presidential appointments. As fate would have it, he became the youngest Assistant Commissioner at the age of 41. Less than a year later, he became the youngest Deputy Commissioner... twenty years after he first entered the government.

               He achieved his current position without any politically-connected friends. This alone can be attributed to his skill and fairness in the face of the bad image which the BIR has for so long carried (most of the time with good reason, due to the corruptness of a lot of its officials as well as examiners).

               His name is all around the country. He is now a known personality in the business community. As part of his duty as a public servant, he continues to help improve the economic status of a struggling state. He never once let the perception of having the thankless job of being a tax collector, enter his head. Why? Because he follows the gallant, if not naive saying: "If I won't do it, who will?" It remains to be a picture ever so remarkable.

               As much as he is successful in his work, I cannot think of a single person who loves his family as much as he loves us. Of course, almost everyone would like to contest this notion. But few can back it up as his actions do.

               My dad has been my mentor, my guide and my role model from the beginning.

               It would have been easy for him to forget my schooling in my early years. I was an able child who easily grasped concepts and ideas taught in class. I was always very attentive and was someone who participated actively and he didn't have a reason to pay extra attention to me. Yet, he did. He was there in my formative years. At that time, the things he did seemed small and inconsequential. He taught me lessons in a manner I could most easily relate to, and thought of as "play". Looking back though, it seems to me that the  greatness lies in the effects of what he accomplished in me. I grew up knowing I am blessed.

               I thought he would stop being actively involved in my life once I reached my early teen years. I was wrong, and I am thnakful that I was. He was there to shape my ideals and moral beliefs. He played the good cop-bad cop act on me to perfection. I followed his examples and tried to emulate his ways  in dealing with people. I did those, not because I was scared of him. It was because I respected him above all else. Such was the  basis of our relationship then, and even more so as I grow older.

               As I come closer to adulthood, my dad's role in my life takes on an even more complicated phase. He no longer does everything for me. He no longer gives the answers to all my questions. He no longer knows everything in the universe. But he's there next to me when I am feeling lost. He's still there comforting me when I'm smarting from a a painful experience. He has become my companion in life as I start to choose the roads to take for myself.

               Love takes on different forms for different people in different times. For me, it is the actions and feelings expressed by the perfect father.

               One may make a case saying my dad could never be an Einstein. I agree. But then again, Einstein never got close to being like my dad.

                                                                                                    ---END---


_______________________________________________________________________________
It has been 8 years since he has resigned as a government official. In a way, I'm glad that he did, since the establishment of his law firm has made us more financially stable. Nevertheless, I can't help but hope that one day, he would get the chance to hold the only position that has eluded him all this time.

But, it's a politically-appointed government position and there are other individuals who can ably hold that position.

On the merits though, there is none better.

Agreed? :)

In Your Darkest Hour

-by Julius Esquivias 

It comes at different times for different people. It comes in different forms. Its myriad effects causes undue pressure and unnecessarily raises one’s stress levels.  It forces upon you a feeling of helplessness while choking off your air, practically daring you to give up. Doubt forms and self-confidence dissolves as frustration envelops your person. You shudder either in disgust or in trepidation. Your stomach gets squeamish and your knees start to buckle. You ask the questions, not knowing if they are the right ones. And you filter answers to hear only those that you want to. Your sense and sensibilities disappear. Suddenly, you’re so far away from your comfort zone.

Suddenly, you are all alone.

The weakest point of your life can come as a complete surprise and leave you helplessly torn apart. When it does, you feel that everything that matters is at an end. At such a juncture, your mind conjures Failure as your ultimate destination. Your rational mind shuts down, and your heart aches for a more glorious past.

You begin to question yourself even as your whole belief system teeters on the edge. You come to one of your life’s crossroads and you are forced to choose a path you would have to navigate. You’re tempted to choose the one with least resistance, knowing you’d have to choose another more rewarding one. In that instance, you finally see the failings of both neutrality and weakness of personality. At that period of time, you understand the need to take a stand and make a life-defining choice.

After taking that fateful step, life gets better. You wake up from your stupor and realize you’re okay. You become more conscious of your surroundings, and become more appreciative of what you have. You realize that empty boxes make pretty good containers. You recognize that fallen fruits are seeds for the future. You envision your heroes’ chastisements and echoes of disappointments as prospective storylines for your later success.

Then you take steps to make it into reality, and dream of writing about it for posterity.

Your quest to determine who you are will begin with finding yourself in the shadows of inadequacy. You may choose to sulk and be a sad soul in your darkest hour. But you may also choose to be an inspirational fighter. With some luck and perseverance, you can further yourself to achieve great progress. From the blindness, you can rise and become that shining Star.

You don’t have to completely fall.

When your reason for standing gives way from under you, God is only telling you that it’s about time that you fly.

                                                                 The Flight Home

        As the song goes, "All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go". And in a few hours, I actually would. It will be back to the old grind of incessant studying. One, which I've tried so hard to put off, knowing very well that it would be something I’d be stuck with for the next four-plus months.

        So I’m trying to convince myself that this is just another flight back home; working under the presumption that this would be much like all the others I have made from vacation spots the world over. But no matter how often I try to tell myself that I am making a trip similar to the countless ones before, deep down, I know I'm just deceiving myself. This flight home represents who and what I am at this juncture of my life. It's a tumultuous journey, but one I am at least in control of.

        Or so I wish to believe.

        I've been staying in California for more than three weeks now. I made the trip here thinking that I’d be helping a person acclimatize himself with the working environment of America, while at the same time recharging myself for the inevitable toil of going through numerous law books and codals for my bar review. But these past few weeks have allowed me to get a glimpse at a more meaningful aspect of my relationship with someone I've known for more than 23 years. Prior to this, I thought I completely knew who my brother was. But I didn't. The routine of our past interactions was the same. It was the subtle nuances behind them that were not. And as each day went by, I got to know more of who he was. At the same time, I learned something valuable along the way.
       

        Two weeks ago, our dad left us here in Petaluma, Ca. and went back to the Philippines. It was immediately apparent that this was the first time that my brother and I would be alone with each other for an extended period of time. I drove him crazy with my penchant for leaving my things recklessly about. On the other hand, he drove me nuts with his backseat (actually, passenger) driving and his proclivity for having things done his way (both gotten from our Y chromosome). But for all our quirks and our different dispositions, we got along well enough.

On the outside, it looked like a relatively good setup for both of us. He would be working from 9 to 6 at his office, while I will be studying in advance for my review. It sounded like a good plan. But as Murphy’s Law dictates, if something could go wrong, it would.

One week prior to my scheduled departure and a mere hundred pages into my book, I lost my drive to study. I thought to myself that I will have so many hours to study back home, but only so many to spend with my brother. Unbeknownst to me then, he was saying the same thing. We started hanging out with newly-found friends. We drove aimlessly around town. We watched movies, grabbed dinner and checked out the hottest nightspots together. But best of all, we talked.

We talked about our growing up years. He recalled how at 8 yrs old, he was so angry (like only a frustrated kid could think he is) one time that he started packing his bags to move out of our house. He thought about where he was going to go. He remembered thinking that he would first have something to eat so he wouldn’t get hungry along the road. He put back his things in his closet and proceeded to forget about his plan altogether. It was also around that time that my dad casually mentioned to my mom (within my earshot, would you believe?) how he wouldn’t accept back in his house, a family member who had the temerity “na maglayas”. Of course, he chose the wrong kid to tease. It wasn’t that I was always the obedient boy. It was more because I scare easily.

We talked about his career and how my law school life is coming to an end. He brought up his stories of how he studied for his CPA board exams. I shared my experiences with my clients at our school office. He complained about how burdened he was with being saddled by incalculable paperwork. I countered by mentioning how harassed I am with the load I have to go through for my exams. We drank our complaints throughout the night. We laughed at things we knew we could do nothing about; basically crying over the proverbial spilled milk.

And we talked about our prospective businesses. We talked of how we were going to partner up after getting our respective degrees, then leaving the corporate scene behind. We would be building an empire. A conglomeration of companies only we could envision. A dream that started from inspiration, would lead to execution and hopefully to fruition.

My bro and I have come a long way in terms of our educational attainment. We have made our parents proud with these minimum of achievements. We have lived our lives with the type of character they have espoused in us. And most importantly, we have always gotten each other’s back.

In a few hours, my brother will be taking me to the airport to see me off. It is with melancholy feeling that I write these lines of prose. He will be staying behind to finish the work he has started on already. I will be going home to start on the task that is already awaiting me. He is the optimist. I am the realist. We are two different grownup men, leading two very different lives, coming from the very same gene-pool.

Luis and I will be separated by thousands of miles once more. But it will be of no consequence to both of us. The sad parting will be there, yes. But underneath the pining for the perpetual camaraderie that we share back home is the understanding that this experience is a necessary evil we would simply have to overcome. Soon enough we will both look back to this trip as the glue that solidified our bond both as brothers and as friends.

All because of my last flight home.

Not that we're desperate for new members, but informal applications simply aren't our thing. So here's the deal. Since we've been branded as "needy" people, here's a list of the qualities we're looking for in a prospective horseman/woman. These are formal requisites. If you don't have them, your application forms would be void. :
(This list isn't gender sensitive... not like jon, who is ultra sensitive)

1) You must love trash (in tagalog, mahalin ang basura). Be one with trash and you're half-way in. (yes it's true, we all took the law and environment elective. Dami-daming basura sa pilipinas, wag niyo nang dagdagan).

2) You must love humor. Not rumors. Mashado na kaming maraming issue. or ka-issue. or issuances. Follow the adage "do not issue what cannot be issued"

3) You must believe in hope. sa pag-asa. hindi sa paasa. Magkaiba yun. Yung una, masarap. yung pangalawa, masaklap. Iba rin yun sa laps. (teka, wag na tayo pumunta dun)

4) You must have gone through heartaches before. yung sa sobrang sakit nang pinagdaanan mo, sumasarap na ang lasa ng pait ng pag-ibig. hahaha. teka (not te-ya), natawa ako sa sinabi ko.

5) You must know how to love unconditionally. Yung tipong walang suspensive or resolutory conditions attached to it. Iba rin to sa airconditionally.

6) You should know how to make fun of yourself. May kilala ako sanay sa ganyan. Kahit seryoso na sha, pinagtatawanan pa rin. Mapangit kasi.

7) Bawal mang-ahas at magpaahas. Di nga, galit kami sa mga taong ganito. Tingnan niyo, galit-galit kami sa isa't isa.

8) You have to be goodlooking and intelligent. Obviously, hindi lahat ng members namin nagp-possess ng traits na ito. But since we're looking for new members, eh di might as well pataasin na natin standards. :)

9) pang 9 na ito. *sigh*

10) Wag kang boring, parang yung isa sa amin! hahaha Actually masaya naman kami usually kasama. mga basura't basurero. pangit na tao. malalakas mang insulto. magagaling magkwento. Mabait sa kapwa tao.

Antok na ako.
May exam ako tomorrow.
wow, how conyo.
alas-dos hanggang ala-singko
TAX, hindi civpro.
Teacher dun, ninong ko.
kabarkada ni papa sito.
para akong lokoloko
di pa ko nag aaral dito
o sha, alis na ako.
Basta tandaan niyo!
Di lahat ng nasabi rito,
ay ganap na totoo.
As usual, nag j joke lang po.

Gdnyt mga katoto.
pakshet, ang baduy nito.
Pero sana, natawa na rin kayo. :)

haha.. i should be writing my supervised legal research right now. But I read my barkada's poem which he submitted to Portia for the annual Poetry Sojourn. (or whatever it is called, i don't remember hehe)

Anyway, this poem is my immediate reaction to his poem. Na-inspire lang kasi ako. Don't read anything behind this :) Pag-bigyan niyo na ako. Bihira akong magsulat ng Filipino poem.
(obvious naman sa quality... or the lack thereof hehe)

I'm also posting my friend's poem after my poem :) His poem is entitled TYPO. I think that's his best work yet:)

Grabe

May kaibigan akong sumulat ng tula.
Tungkol sa "Typo" o maling pagsulat.
Napaisip akong Grabe ang tama niya,
Sa minahal niyang, di namin inakala.

Natawa ako sa simula.
Sinabi kong hindi mangyayari sakin yun.
Ang umasa sa wala?
Pag-asang binabaliwala?
Sa loob-loob ko… “pare, ang sagwa”.
Nagpatawa na lang ako. Dun naman kasi kami magaling.
Humirit akong “pagdating sa chicks, makinig ka kasi sakin”.

 
“Mahirap yang ganyan”, ang pinag-isipan kong pagpayo.
Sinagot ako ng pabalang. Wala naman daw akong alam.
Lahat daw nakukuha ko, kahit mga hindi ko ginugusto.
Mga basura’t basurero.
Napaisip naman ako.
Parang ngang oo.
Isang beses lang daw kasi ako na-basted.
Mga nagpaparamdam daw sakin, “I take for granted”.

Grabe. Parang tinamaan na talaga ako.
Sa dami-dami ng tinukso sakin. Parang doon ako nagpaapekto.
Kasi parang ngang totoo.
Parang may nambibisto.
Ewan ko ba kung sino. Pero pare, parang eksakto.

Kaya ako naman ang humihingi ng payo.
Kumbaga, nag-iingat lang. Kasi pano pag ako naman ang tamaan?
Makarinig nang “too late”, hindi ko kayang sakyan.
Ayoko kasi sanang masaktan.
Tingnan niyo yung kanyang dinadaanan.

Parang nakakatawa kasi baka “nagsasakit-sakitan lang” ang loko.
Pero dahil kilala ko siya, Alam kong masakit talaga sa puso.
Ako man kasi, aamin ding ayokong mapaso.

Malay niyo...
Pag grabe na at di ko na mapigilan; Umamin din ako.
Kasi naman, parang nangyari na to dati.
May magtatanong nanaman kasi.

“Ma’l mo?”

Graaaaaaabeeeeeeeeeeee…
Eto nanaman tayo.

 _________________________________________________

TYPO

'mahan kita,
kahit saan mo
gusto pumunta,
hindi dahil
kailangan mo
ng kasama---

alam ko naman,
kaya mong mag-isa,
at hindi ako
ang gusto mong
umupo sa tabi mo;
ganoon talaga,
wala akong magagawa,
pero kung maisipan
mo man,
'mahan kita,
sabihin mo lang.

kung ayaw mo,
na malamang,
hindi kita masisisi,
hindi rin ako mamimilit,
pero para lang
alam mo,

kung sawa ka nang
mag-isa, o sa katabi mo,
dito lang ako,
naghihintay,
baka kasi biglang
gusto mo na rin
akong 'mahan.

huwag kang mag-alala,
hindi naman ako umaasa,
na 'mahan mo rin ako,
ngayon, o pagdating
ng panahon,
hindi kita sisisihin,
hindi pipilitin---

basta,
mahan kita

kahit wala na ako,
kahit wala ka na.

______________________________

End :)

10:18 Feb 22, 2007

Napaka sipag ko talaga. Dami-dami kong trabaho.

I'm at the Office of Legal Aid right now. I'm supposed to be working. But I'm too distracted. On one hand, I'm quite happy because I'm finally friends again with my bestfriend of three years. THREE YEARS!. (For some reason, "3 years" reminds me of something else...) Anyway, back to my rantings. Bati na kami. To think I was willing to forget almost all my "law school friends" because I thought they were siding with her without even bothering to hear my side.

But we're good :) We're fine. Basura na ulit kami. haha

What I'm more concerned about is that there's currently a vicious rumor circulating in school that I did something bad to my former-bestfriend. Ginamit ko raw sha to further my studies (pinapagawa ko raw sa kanya mga school work ko) and that I played with her feelings. Basically, I used her DAW. That's simply untrue and grossly unfair to me and to her. Ang totoo lang e... ako ang ginamit niya at ako ang pinaasa niya (aaminin niya yun). hahahaha joke lang joke lang. :)

But see, ganyan ang dynamics ng relationship namin (to reiterate, sha PAASA and ako ang paa-see) *wink*. We're able to laugh at the things people assumed we had. And if only they asked me (or her) directly before imputing such malicious things, their minds (no matter how limited) would have been cleared up.

Now why am I bringing this up all of a sudden? Simple. One of the Four Horsemen's (check our blogs at Friendster... search us FOUR HORSEMEN) new barkada is being dragged into the blackhole, that is... my reputation. Mahan pa naman namin sha (minsan pag hindi sha mataray haha). Sometimes, I feel like a popular actor in school because of all the intrigue surrounding my name. Parang ayaw ko na ata mag artista. Mag m model na lang ako :)

Relax. Ng tupperware mga chong.. tupperware :)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

First time ko nanood ng Prison Break kahapon. Kasama ko si Christian and two random irritating (but maganda at matalino...daw) people. And it was with them that Christian and I first realized that Kamukha ni Michael Schofield si Archie Alemanya!!.. Di nga. Nagalit yung two random people na to. Better daw kasi kami ni Christian. Woops. sorry. Bitter pala.. Bitter daw kasi mas gwapo daw sa amin si Wentworth Miller. (mas gwapo naman si Reggie Miller, shooter pa).

Which reminds me... I watched San Miguel vs. Ginebra last night. Ginebra won, kahit maganda laro ni former "king eagle" LA Tenorio. Hindi lang ako ang may idol dun. Dami-dami nagmamahal na atenista dun. He's the man! Pero wala sha kay Jayjay Helterbrand. ;c)

***************************************

Horsemen Conversation:
February 21, 3:30pm sa office ni Emer.

Emer: Dude, Mahan ko talaga!
Remir: Baka Mahal?
Christian: haha... nauutal na si Emer. Iksi kasi ng dila.
Jon: Hatakin ko gusto mo? Para umayos na rin ugali niyan.
Julz: Di masama magmahan.
Remir: Isa pa to. bulol ka ba?
Julz: Eh sa feel na feel ko yung nararamdaman ni Emer e.
Christian: Basta ang alam ko gwapo ako.
Jon: ulol.
Remir: ako din gwapo.
Emer: ulol.
Julz: ako na rin gwapo.
Jon: tangna, ako na rin gwapo.
(3-minute silence)
Christian: Si emer lang tahimik a...
Remir: Pare ikaw na lang iniintay namin.
(2-minute silence)
Emer: Promise, Friendly ako.

********************END********************

PS: Pag nakakarinig ako ng ganyang conversation, naaalala ko highschool friends/barkada ko. Kaso lahat sila may asawa't pamilya na.

Miss ko pa rin sila... Kahit hindi ako naging ninong ng kahit sino sa mga anak nila. Isa lang masasabi ko...

...

...

BASURA! :)

(this blog is a reproduction of my blog in friendster http://julzboy.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/)

... I know I've professed to hating people who take blogs and parade it around to be bashed by other people of the same ilk, but... I can't help but take this recent one I've read. But I did this to praise it. So if any of her friends get to read this and recognize it from somewhere... Yes, i got it from her. And No, I didn't get her permission.

As Christian 'the nigguh' Arbues once said... "Sorry, My bad, I show you love".
____OOO______________________OOO_______________________OOO______________________


"You have always wanted the woman. Your days and nights are filled with fantasies of her.

She with her red lipstick and spicy perfume...She who always gives you a light and beats you out into puffing a full smoke...She who expertly cuts speeding cars and conquers Manila traffic in one breath...She who kicks off her stilettos to stand on the hood of your car and screams your name under the Tagaytay skies...She who pulls your hand and dances with you in the rain...

Yet at night, as you rest your head against your pillow and sense the aftertaste of your last kiss fading, you think of another girl...Secretly deep within your heart, you long for someone else. Someone who will give you a smile instead of a pout as she tucks a strand of hair behind an ear...Someone who can walk with you across a muddled parking lot without uttering a curse...Someone who will believe you when you say you are going to pass the boards and be a lawyer someday...Someone who won't laugh at your novice compositions...Someone who lands flat on her face and stands up giggling at herself...Someone whom you can impress with mere love letters written on perfumed stationery sets...

A girl you can bring home to Mom."

(highlights, mine)

____OOO______________________OOO_______________________OOO______________________

I could have sworn it was written for me.
Or a guy like me. Think what you like.
____OOO______________________OOO_______________________OOO______________________

Hmm, one of my friends in school is dating Anne Curtis. PAKSHET.
And he's gonna run for Congress soon. Damn. Might have said too much already. haha. I asked him if they really do go out. In fairness, Artista na rin ang loko, he said. "Minsan, pero friends lang. Medyo na exag lang". haha...

BASURA!!!!! There's no more appropriate time to say that than now. :)

Now I wish I had my own Province. And had enough money to run for Congress.
yep... reading that blog up there didn't do much to alter my innate basura core-personality. hehe

Biro lang! I'm happy with what I have and who I am. I'm Stellar Julz :) haha...
Could be the gayest discription of the year. Mala Janssen-Paolo or remir mini-macatangay.
____OOO______________________OOO_______________________OOO______________________

Remember when I wrote a few blogs ako that my dad once said that "magaling pumili ng asawa" mom ko? He made a bold statement in proving this by giving my mom a new Starex as a gift for Christmas and her birthday (Jan.4). And this was after he gave my sister a big garden-debut as well as a grey Mazda 3. What will he think of next?

Well... lemme see...
I'm graduating this March. *Dad, can you read between the lines?* haha. I'll settle for your old Cefiro or your Camry.

*sigh* asa pa. At least there's a good chance I'll be getting his N93 pretty soon. Sana, sana, sana. If any of you are contemplating on buying an N71. Don't!!!! Trust me on that. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
____OOO______________________OOO_______________________OOO______________________
But speaking of cars, I recently rode on one of the Hot Cars of Alabang. It's owned by a UP law student who swears she's not rich. Kapal ng mukha (pero maganda naman, in fairness haha)... Damn, the car was Set-up baaaad. :D.

I wonder if I'd ever get the chance to drive that car. Kapalit man lang for ignoring the 4 horsemen for 3 years :). I'm the 6th best driver in the Philippines, afterall :) haha
____OOO______________________OOO_______________________OOO______________________

My dad is going to Bicol tomorrow (actually, in a few hours). He's gonna go with his brother Masons to Camalig and Ginubatan (I think) to bring some relief goods and some used and new clothing. I actually wanted to try to dissuade him from going there himself coz it's pretty far and the roads aren't particularly safe right now. He's getting older and he's not exactly in the best physical condition. There's so many bags to carry and the shelters might prove to be chaotic. But I doubt if he'd listen to me. He's kinda stubborn. The only one in the family who's like that. haha. In 25 years, I've never seen him take the easy way out. He's always doing the difficult and at times dirty work. He really has taken the motto Men-for-others to heart. And to think he only studied in Ateneo for law sch.

(And we all know what UP law students think of that other school? hahaha)
Caveat, I belong in the minority. I think the Ateneo Law School gives the same if not a better quality of education as UP does. (this is just begging to be criticized... nandidiin nanaman si julz)

Relax... Biro lang. I think Ateneo and UP both have very good Law schools. Better than all the rest combined. There, better ain't it? :)

New year's around the corner...
Resolution? To "remove "i don't know" from my vocabulary". hehe... I got that from my cousin Dax :)

or maybe develop or to take care of real life-long friendships. Maybe that's more feasible.

It's gonna be 2007 soon baby. Finding a GF is so cliche. "Wengs lang walang mahalan." hahaha

or so they say.

Am out,
Julzboy

PS: Someone promised me that I'd get something from HK. Do what you promised and you're my friend for life :) haha Take care and enjoy shopping! Meeting you this year had been one of the highlights of my year. :)


12:53am December 28, 2007. I didn't realize my sister's birthday is over already :)

this is a reproduction of my friendster blog :)

http://julzboy.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/